No Cake at a Wedding??? Say It Ain't So!!!

A good friend of mine, Cindy, attended a wedding over the weekend. She shocked me with some astounding news, so it's a good thing I was already seated or I might have keeled over and knocked a tooth out when I collapsed onto my desk: there was no wedding cake.

C'mon, join me - clutch at your chest as your eyes bug out, gasping for breath as though all the air has been punched out of your lungs.

No ... cake??? No cake?!? It's a sacrilege! There has to be cake at a wedding! Guests ooh and ahh over it, vie for the best pieces, hope to get some of the edible decorations. Brides and grooms indelicately shove some into each other's mouths. Cake at a wedding is a tradition!

But perhaps not so anymore ...? Cindy said that people she spoke with that evening told her that there hadn't been cakes at other weddings they'd attended recently, either.

I'm sufficiently ancient and decrepit that my friends and relatives have either been married for 30 years or they're divorced; and our children aren't yet old enough -- please, God, make sure they're aware of that! -- to get married. So I admit that I'm not an authority on this subject. I hadn't been to a wedding in years until attending one in July; and thankfully -- whew! -- there was a cake. (Who knew it was now possibly considered "optional"???) It was really good, too, with luscious creamy white frosting .... But I digress.

I've known of people who offered tiers of cupcakes that were arranged to resemble a cake. I've known people who offered an array of treats and sweets in addition to the cake, but the cake was still a major attraction. Cindy said that other desserts were available at the wedding; there just wasn't a cake, and from what she could gather it's becoming a trend. So, in horror, I started to do some remedial and less-than-scientific research.

Here is an assortment of quotes and responses gathered when I tossed this life-altering notion out into cyberspace and sought comments via Facebook and Twitter (so excuse grammatical/spelling quirks inherent in trying to type on a phone or cram a message into 140 tidbits!):

what else would the bride shove up the grooms nose? ;-) Seriously, yes...cake, of some sort, is a MUST!

What are people going to do, cut into a cupcake or a cookie? Sheesh!That is ridiculous! If anything I have heard people turning to options but not getting rid of cake entirely! thumbs down!

Haven't heard this in the UK, though some friends had tiers of cheese instead.

I don't know if I want to go to a wedding that doesn't have cake. It's a travesty!

We had cupcakes as our cake and then an ice cream sundae bar with cookies and brownies and no one ate the cake! We had like 100 cupcakes left over. Maybe it's true :-(

Shut up!some things are just wrong, this is one! weddings=cake

not any weddings I've been to.. no.. wait.. there wasn't a wedding cake at the most recent one. Probably because the bride and groom didn't want to spend $1000 on a cake.

Plus, you have to save the top of the cake for your first anniversary! I have such fond memories of our wedding cake -- made at a Swedish bakery in Minnesota with lemon filling... and it's been almost 36 years!

So, there you have it -- I'm apparently not alone in feeling weak and dizzy at the notion of not getting my cake fix at the end of the festivities. Deep sigh of relief ....

I also did a search and found a website called Exquisite Events Seattle which addresses the cake-less issue: 

"Cake has dominated the wedding industry for years. However, right now there is a growing trend to skip the cake all together. Maybe cake is not your thing. For many people cake is okay, but they have a dessert that they simply swoon over. So, why not have that dessert at your wedding?"

Why not??? 'Cause people expect a cake and want a cake! And they won't leave your ceremony talking about how beautiful the bride was, but instead will leave talking about how deprived they felt at being denied CAKE!!!

I am fully aware that there are more earth-shattering and life-altering situations taking place in the world than not serving cake at a wedding, just in case anyone was wondering! However, in my obsessive compulsion to learn more about this issue I've discussed it with many people who are in their 20s/30s -- those on "the wedding circuit." Almost universally, there has been cake at the receptions they've attended; one of my co-workers told me that she's never been to a wedding that didn't serve cake.

Cindy (who may regret, at this point, ever having mentioned this to me) brought up the issue of the Jewish dietary laws, and having to serve a non-dairy cake - which is very often inferior - with a meat meal to avoid combining meat and dairy products. In that instance, settling either for the lesser cake or for a vegetarian meal wouldn't make for an optimal situation; the better dinner served without a cake might easily take precedence over the butter-less dessert.

So finally, as my brain was starting to hurt from all of this contemplation, I consulted a true expert: my favorite baker, Bryant Stuckey of Decadent Delight here in Ann Arbor. Here's his professional opinion: 

"I don't know if I would say it's a trend, but I have had many instances in the last couple years where couples have forgone the wedding cake .... I think this is to stay within their budget. It seems a shame to me .... I just can't see a wedding without a wedding cake. The wedding cake is another character in the wedding. It's symbolic to an idea of a 'sweet life' together."

I think the notion of cake playing a role and symbolizing a sweet life together is absolutely perfect ... :) And I think that symbol should be enjoyed with all the loved ones who've joined the happy couple on their special day, literally and figuratively sharing that sweet life with all of those who have been - and will continue to be - integral to it.

So skimp on the rose petals that flower girls toss along the aisle; they're just going to get ground into the rug or the runner anyway. Do away with having 14 bridesmaids and save money by not ordering so many bouquets. Don't bother with an ice sculpture that will just melt. There are so many non-essentials at weddings.

But cake ... cake is an absolute! It's a classic that never goes out of style. Change the shape, the colors, the flavors, and even the doohickeys that go on top.

But never, ever shun the cake! And if you do, please know that I will not be offended if you leave me off the invitation list ....