The Comforts of Food

Sometimes, I write a column for the paper that is deemed insufficiently food-centric; this is yet another instance.

Here is the original version of today's piece, before I was asked to revise it and then the revision was edited. I think it's worth sharing because it shows far better the depth of my grief, the desperate need for comfort and distraction. If nothing else, it's important to me to publish it.

Is half of it about my pussycats, rather than about food specifically? Yes. To my mind, that doesn't mean it's not about food, and the various ways that food provided solace when I needed some. I also think there's useful information about my cats' health, and I wanted to offer some public thanks for the care I/we received. And beyond all of that, I smile when I remember hearing someone say I'm "hilarious," and I need as many smiles as I can get, right now.

But, enough blathering. On to the story as I want to tell it ....

This column is going to start out with tears (mine, at least), but don’t worry: it will end with some comfort. Comfort food, that is.

In January, my seven-month-old kitten, Graycie, died very suddenly from feline infectious peritonitis. I’d never heard of it before that day, and wish I were still that ignorant; it’s almost always fatal, especially among the young and the old who don't have the resources to fight it. It was devastating to lose someone so little, and with no notice or opportunity to try to prepare. Graycie and our other cat, Hobbesie, had been inseparable. He was never quite as full of cat-itude, which he’d possessed in abundance, after she left us.

Then, on March 18, I had to put three-year-old Hobbesie, whom I’d written about last year – we officially named him Hobbit for his love of multiple meals – to sleep. He had occasional flare-ups of chronic pancreatitis. But a recent recurrence which didn’t improve turned out to be, after more tests, congestive heart failure. Hobbesie had so much fluid in his chest that it was difficult to even see his heart on the x-ray. Truth be told, I think his heart broke on Jan. 11 when we lost Graycie, and little by little his tears seeped out from that wound until they simply consumed him.

Hobbesie was rushed into the back of the hospital when I brought him to the veterinary emergency room that night, because his breathing was so labored; he needed oxygen. Then two very friendly vet assistants came into the exam room to talk with me, to get a history, to reassure me that they’d do their very best for him. One of them had worked previously at our vet's office and knew Hobbesie. She knew that he wasn't himself - he wasn't flirting, he wasn't showing off how handsome he was. My poor baby was so sick.

The other woman smiled at me and told me she enjoys reading my page. It was such a sweet thing to say, completely unexpected, and a kindness that I desperately needed at that moment. After they left the room, I could hear the one saying to her co-worker, ”If you read her, she’s hilarious.” That may be one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received.

But once I went home alone that night, without Hobbesie, how could I find any hilarity or even a smile? We’d lost two beloved pussycats in only two months.

Well, I found comfort with food, of course ... and not just eating it.

Thirteen hours after leaving the veterinary hospital, I was a judge at the Mobile Meals Great Chili Cook-Off, supporting a cause that is so very dear to me: feeding people, especially ones who are vulnerable. Those at the event who knew about Hobbesie’s death, having read his obituary (not just an announcement) on my Facebook page, offered hugs and condolences. Others who didn’t know offered distraction, as I tried not to say anything unless directly asked how I was; I couldn’t lie, after all, and say ”I’m doing great, thanks!”

Sampling 31 (that’s not a typo) different kinds of chili, chatting about the tastes and textures, debating with fellow judges whether a New Mexico-style green chili really constituted chili because it’s so different from their expected Midwestern-style beans-’n’-meat variety ... this was all good. Focus on the food. It’ll be okay for a little while.

I also got to try two of Toft Dairy’s new flavors for this summer: Peanut Butter Cheesecake and Salty Caramel Fudge Truffle. Ice cream makes everything seem better, doesn’t it? Oh, yes. Yes, it certainly does.

The next day I baked, doing some recipe testing. I had to pay attention to what I was doing. I had to sample the wares, too – quality control, you know. If I was thinking about the food I wasn’t sobbing, overwhelmed by the losses of Hobbesie and Graycie. It worked, as long as I stayed busy. I baked three kinds of cookies and a lemon meringue pie.

And thus, the term ”comfort food” took on new connotations for me, that very sad weekend.

Too Long Since I Said "Hello" from Toledo

The beautiful welcome sign when I visited Da Capo coffee shop.

Oy ... it's been too long! Too long since I caught up with all my friends, too long since I told you of my adventures, too long ... just too long.

I had thought, perhaps, life would be easier - ha! - when I had one writing job instead of a day job plus several writing jobs. Boy, was I wrong! I spend way too much time sitting at this machine, typing; I have a column and a main feature every Tuesday, sometimes a second story on Tuesdays, and a column of news tidbits on Sundays. I also have speaking engagements (3 in an 8-day period, recently), a t.v. show taping (which you can watch here, if you'd like, as I discuss what it's like to be a newcomer to Toledo), a lot of events to attend, and just generally going out and about in town to meet people and learn about all the interesting food-related stories there are.

There's an executive chef at the Toledo Zoo (recently voted best zoo in the country, by the way!). There are programs to feed those in need, such as Mobile Meals and Food for Thought and Claver House's daily breakfast, which I've tried to help and to promote. I'm being adopted by new bubbes, in addition to the ones I miss in Ann Arbor. I'm among baking friends with folks who also straddle the Ann Arbor-Toledo line. And every so often I still cook and bake, too!

I have judging gigs coming up this summer for pierogi, ribs, and kuchen. I'm involved with the Mud Hens' "Create Your Own Hot Dog" party. I have 4 more speaking engagements lined up into next Spring. The Blade's marketing department is working on a logo for me. I have Twitter (@BladeFoodPage) and Facebook (facebook.com/thebladefoodpage) accounts for the food page. And I recently had the opportunity to interview Roy Choi - father of the food truck craze - about his work as a consultant to the movie "Chef," his efforts to have chefs do more to feed the hungry, culinary trends, and more ... wow.

But, I have to accommodate others' schedules for photos and layout, rather than working independently as I was accustomed to. I can't do scenic layouts of photographs, the way I want to. I have to write my features without using first person, though many tell me they like my confessional/conversational style. I work for a different entity now, though there are many, many wonderful people and I've been told that one of the "powers that be" loves me so much that he wants to give me a big hug through the phone! I'm still adjusting, 4 months later. It's been an absolute whirlwind.

The best way to keep up is to "like" the Facebook page; that's my favorite, as it's interactive and we can all chat and communicate about stories, recipes, pictures, videos, whatever silliness I happen to post.

Here are some photos, just to give a very brief and woefully insufficient taste (pun intended!) of some of my adventures. There's a LOT of good food here in Toledo, and some wonderful people. For every moment that I'm exhausted and can't face another second of staring at this screen, there are at least 51 moments that are full of fun and love and laughter and compassion and joy ... :)

Part of the breakfast array at Claver House, which serves soup, salad, cole slaw, toast, and other items each morning to those in need of a meal. The cake was in honor of those celebrating birthdays that month.

Spring roll and Fall roll at Tasty Thai, where Craig and I found out the hard way that we're wusses who need to order mild, not even medium, spice! Can't even imagine what "Thai hot" - top on the list of 5 choices - must be like!

The famous Tony Packo's dog and pickles.

A beautiful sweet potato soup and chicken salad at the fabulous Toledo Museum of Art, whose chef - Drew Ruiz - is a gem in this particular gem of the city.

Pear Salad and quiche at Pam's Corner, a lovely breakfast/lunch spot.

Just some of the produce grown by Toledo GROWS, a division of the Toledo Botanical Garden which supports urban gardening.

The mochi at Wei Wei, an amazing Chinese restaurant owned by the warm and wonderful Sherry and Mike; it serves addictive Szechuan dumplings!

My gingered rhubarb pie, which converted even the "leery of both ginger and rhubarb" Craig, who helped to devour this pie within, perhaps, 24 hours.

Vegan banana muffins with lime glaze. A feature on vegan foods is in the works.

My salt-cured egg yolk project: store a fresh egg yolk in kosher salt for 1 week, brush off excess salt once it's more solid, wrap in cheesecloth for 2 weeks until hard and grate-able like Parmesan.

What it was like when I crossed the border from Michigan to Ohio on February 1, to embark upon my new adventures.

Toledo on Friday, June 13, as I waited downtown for the bus.