Wordless Wednesday

Don't Get Hungry at the Hospital on a Sunday!!!

Well, as they say, all good things must come to an end; and the fairy tale involving edible (and even appetizing!) food at the unnamed local hospital I was parked at for the weekend while taking care of a loved one has, unfortunately, followed that adage. Whereas Saturday's turkey lunch and spaghetti dinner received glowing compliments -- repeated yesterday during a survey by the food service staff -- the meal which showed up a short while after the rave reviews were offered was ... well ... truly disgusting.

I can personally vouch for that -- I'm the brave soul who tasted it when our anonymous-by-choice patient refused to, and who tried to figure out a way to bring it home to Fuzzybutt before agreeing with the patient that the dog's digestive tract would likely not benefit from this dish. It wasn't fit for human consumption, obviously, but I'm not sure it was fit for pooches either. And while I was courageous enough to at least put some into my mouth, I'm not courageous enough to feed this to the dog and then sit around wondering whether her intestines might explode. We all know who'd be cleaning up the mess, after all.

The meal in question is Beef Chop Suey. If you are ever admitted to this hospital or are visiting someone there, do not order it. I repeat -- keep away from the chop suey!!! Now, in all honesty, it would not have been on my list of options as I read over the menu; it's not one of my favorites to begin with, and the prospect of institutional Chinese-ish food just does not sound enticing to me. But our patient has fond memories of eating it at an aunt's house many moons ago -- apparently she had a knack for making La Choy appetizing, which is a remarkable feat unto itself! -- and was apparently having a nostalgic moment when it was circled on the request sheet.

But then it arrived. And it was cold -- refrigerated, not just lukewarm from having made too long a schlep from the stove to the elevator to the room. And it was mostly gravy, with a chunk or two of "beef." (I can't promise that the stuff floating in the sauce had ever seen, let alone once been, a cow.) And it smelled bad. And, as you can see, it didn't look particularly mouthwatering either. Our patient refused it outright, whereas I -- queen of not wasting food, whether incorporating leftovers into new meals or feeding my pooch's paunch with things no one else wants -- industriously tried to find a container to bring the slop home in. But our patient's wisdom reigned supreme, and I relinquished my quest for the greater good of Fuzzybutt's well-being, as well as that of my carpeting.

The very kind food server offered to warm up the mess, but that really didn't do it any good even once she'd performed the mitzvah. So she let the patient choose an alternative, a deli sandwich, which was excellent except for having been delivered with no condiments of any kind. I offered to go to the cafeteria in search of embellishments like mayonnaise and mustard, but this was graciously refused, I think, simply for the sake of not wanting to wait any more to stave off hunger.

I had brought my lunch -- a salad of white beans and tuna with tomatoes and onion and carrots, all dressed with a balsamic vinaigrette to which I'd added a touch of my beloved Mustard From Hell (available at Copernicus Polish Market on Main Street in Ann Arbor) -- in order to save some money and also because our patient was supposed to go home yesterday; a simple lunch requiring no heating or refrigeration seemed ideal, with dinner to be determined depending upon our patient's cravings. However, some lab results are still pending; thus discharge has been delayed until today, we hope.

And so, the rice crackers that we'd brought along for snack purposes clearly needed to be supplemented by late afternoon. I'm a good eater -- I needed dinner, which was a difficult prospect on a Sunday. The bagel shop was closed, though I wasn't particularly inclined to eat either refined flour or yeast, two things I make some effort to avoid if possible. I asked about the kosher items, which I know are prepared by Chef Cari in Oak Park; I've eaten her food before at special events she's been hired to cater, and was intrigued by the possibilities of what she might offer for pre-packaged hospital meals. But those were all bought out, despite some very helpful service from a cashier who tried to find them for me but could only apologize for their lack of availability. Good thing I don't actually keep kosher, huh???

And thus, let me show you what my non-vending machine options were, sad as the array might be for you to observe:

Stale doughnuts ....


A salad bar with dried-out pasta and some sad looking fruit ....


A pizza sitting under a heat lamp ... but it's made with a whole wheat crust! (I do have to admit that I gave this one some consideration, in order to get some protein from the cheese.)


Chicken tenders, chicken fingers, some star-shaped hash browns (I think), and some fish strips maintaining their tans under a lamp ....


And two different varieties of bean soup ....


Sigh ....

So after walking by the grill a few times, hoping not to have to resign myself to a burger, I finally resigned myself to having a burger. This picture makes it look pretty good, I must admit; and, in all honesty, it wasn't wretched. But it hardly compares to the burgers enjoyed last week, which I wrote about with such enthusiasm!

Of course, I might not be quite so disparaging had I not witnessed for myself that the beef patties had all been pre-formed -- not to mention pre-cooked! -- then placed in rows in a baking sheet, ready to be plucked up and plopped onto the grill when ordered so that they could be re-heated and further dried out. (This photo op was just begging for me, but the grillmeister was standing right there at the counter and I couldn't very well explain my intentions!) And while I could have ordered it without the bun, at that point I was just strolling down the path of least resistance and indulged in the soft, squishy refined flour bun to complete my Sunday evening dining experience. And I ate the entire thing -- fries, pickle, burger and all ... urp! (Excuse me ....)

Our patient's Chicken Caesar Salad arrived cold, though not quite as cold as the Chop Suey had. The greens looked good, there was a generous amount of chicken and cheese, and the accompanying carrot cake looked and smelled very good. But this was a meager meal, even for someone who generally eats small meals and whose appetite has been compromised while not feeling well.

So fortunately our patient was permitted to meander off the ward once yet another i.v. drip was finished, and we were able to stroll on downstairs to watch the entertaining ice cream vending machine do its amusing job of delivering chocolate-filled ice cream sandwiches. We took them down to the lobby, where there is an art exhibit that appears to be inspired by microbials -- huge, colorful paintings of shapes that appear other-worldly, which make for a very lively display. And considering that our patient has artistic tendencies, this was a perfect diversion after a weekend of tedium and misery ... :)

Here's hoping that there are no further forays into the mysterious workings of the hit-a-homer or miss-by-miles hospital food service!

Room Service, But No Mints on the Pillows

I was asked yesterday, "Did you find crack in the parking structure???" since I was seemingly inappropriately tickled by some of my experiences at a local hospital as I offered support and diversion to a loved one. Giddy creature that I can sometimes be -- especially since there is significant improvement in the anonymous-by-choice patient's condition since Friday night's admit -- rather than bemoaning the loss of a planned trip and acting sullen with disappointment, I've been finding amusement where I can. It's the little things ....

For example, a very kind staff member stopped by before I left to offer bedtime snacks. Unfortunately he was out of chocolate pudding, but he had everything else from Lorna Doones to vanilla pudding to yogurt to granola bars. Our patient chose a Rice Krispies Treat, and then the very generous man asked lil' ol' moi whether *I* might like something as well ... how utterly charming! "Oh, that would be wonderful -- thank you so much!" I've been hearing the call of Fig Newtons for a week or so, and thus it seemed like divine intervention that they might be brought literally to my doorstep ... or, at least, to my chair in the hospital room.

I am also completely enthralled by the ice cream vending machine near the cafeteria, which offers the usual array of Strawberry Shortcakes and Fudge Bars and Creamsicles. But it also offers 4 kinds of ice cream sandwiches -- vanilla, chocolate, Neopolitan, and also one with strawberry-jam-swirled ice cream surrounded by vanilla-flavored cookies -- a veritable buffet! And it is a diversion that just begs to have kids witness its action:

1. Put in your money ($1.50 -- but it's a good-sized treat, longer and fatter than most ... and I was a captive audience).

2. Make your selection.

3. Watch through a window as the freezer door opens and a vacuum tube sucks up your treat and dumps it into the chute, much the way that the infamous claw machines work.





Far more entertaining than watching vital signs be taken or waiting for lab results, the ice cream machine is going to be the patient's field trip today, health and stamina permitting!

But the day wasn't all about sweets and treats. For lunch, "Room Service" brought our patient a tray filled with a slice of turkey with gravy, peas, wild rice, a roll, a cup of minestrone, and an apple; the person who'd occupied the bed the day before and filled out the meal request seems to have been fairly interested in substantial but nutritious food. And although hospital food has a -- shall we say? -- less-than-stellar reputation, this meal actually got a good review. The nurse, Tina, found this to be endlessly entertaining and kept giggling as the compliments were offered. I'm quite certain that she doesn't usually get to personally witness such an event ... and I'm equally certain that the event doesn't occur very often, either!

When other loved ones have been hospitalized, they've always made sure to order extra food to provide me with something to eat while I am entrenched in the room trying to be helpful (or at least distracting and/or comforting). But since our patient didn't get to place orders for lunch, I needed to meander through the labyrinth and find something to eat at the cafeteria. (Note that you don't need a gym membership if you spend any time at this hospital; the place is gargantuan!) It being the weekend -- when I guess there aren't any employees, patients or visitors in need of a full array of sustenance ... pffft! -- the options were fairly limited: pizza, sushi (which, as we can see in the banner, is not on my "nice" list), yogurt, bagels, an array of cake and pie slices. But then I found pre-packaged salads, and for a reasonable price, too: $4.29 for fattoush with chicken that could have fed two people.

The greens were in exceptionally good condition, and the other vegetables (carrots, cucumbers, onion, tomatoes) were plentiful. There were strips of toasted pita bread, and tender pieces of chicken breast. With the exception of the dressing, which was kinda lemony but lacking tartness or much flavor, the salad was very good. Considering that I found it at a hospital cafeteria, I am most impressed!

Our patient actually received a call from the dietician, who offered the opportunity to choose dinner rather than eating yet another meal that had been pre-selected by the room's predecessor. I don't remember what the other options were, but spaghetti and meat sauce -- which brightened the patient's face immensely in anticipation of the meal! -- was the winner. I neglected to capture its photogenic self, but it actually did look appetizing. Served with green beans and cole slaw, every bite was eaten and still more compliments were offered to the chef. If I hadn't heard the words myself, I'm not sure I would have believed it!

The prospect of an omelette with bacon is today's enticing breakfast option (after yesterday's Corn Flakes and banana bread, which had arrived before my camera and I did). Lunch is a deli sandwich, and I don't actually remember what the dinner option is. But your faithful reporter will be on task! Ya can't say I'm not thorough, after all -- when I promise to report on all of my food experiences, from cooking to baking to restaurants and now the hospital, I'm a woman of my word!