Shake 'n' Bake Cupcakes?!?!?

What is this nonsense??? (I'd be a bit more crass and use a different phrase, but I try to be ladylike. This image really warrants a more vehement expression of horror, though!)

Jeremy and I saw this container at the grocery store last week, as we meandered up and down the baking aisle looking for real ingredients like flour and sugar and such. "Just add water" - does anyone really want to eat dehydrated/rehydrated cupcakes?!?!?

Frankly, this is making boxed mixes look good; at least you have to add an egg and some oil to that concoction. Who'da thunk there'd be a product that makes a pre-measured mix look like it's either labor intensive or more enticing???

It's not particularly hard to make your own cupcakes. My Special Mocha Cupcakes (renamed by Taste of Home magazine, they were originally Quadruple Chocolate Cupcakes) list a prep time of 25 minutes which is, frankly, excessive; the baking time is 20 minutes. Add a bit of cooling time, and you can likely have fresh, fragrant cupcakes within an hour. And you get to lick the bowl and the spoon after you make the frosting.

Or, hey! If you don't want to bake from scratch you could buy some cupcakes at a bakery or, even, at the grocery store. Some of these are chemical-laden, some of them are fabulous ... go for quality.

But who on Earth would want to add water to a bottle that looks as though it should be holding laundry detergent, shake it up a bit to jostle all the dry crumbs loose and try to emulsify them with the liquid, and then pour this goop into cupcake tins? If you're that pressed for time, that bad a cook, or - let's call it as I see it - that lazy, then why bother??? So you can claim that they're "homemade" because technically they were made in your home, even if you didn't mix any of the ingredients and didn't have to exhaust yourself by holding a spoon and stirring?

'Cause even if I'm feeling generous enough to consider that you might want to make cupcakes this way with your kids, because it would be quick and easy, let me assure you that they'll be less than impressed by just pouring water. They actually like measuring, spilling sugar, stirring, slopping batter everywhere except into the baking tin ... and this is what memories are made of. Which would you rather have: a picture of your child turning on the faucet or a photo of your child's beaming, chocolate-schmeared, flour-dusted smile of satisfaction from having actually baked cupcakes him- or herself?

My loved ones understand my rant, and would wonder what sort of replicant had taken my place if I didn't obsess about this. But they also try to play Devil's Advocate by telling me that I'm unusual in my affection for baking, that I will make time for such an endeavor whereas others feel that it's a burden in their busy schedules. I offer the rebuttal that bakeries would be happy to sell their wares to these kinds of folks. And that's pretty much the sum of my argument - make the cupcakes properly or pay someone else to do so - because the rest of it is just my incensed, raving monologue about sacrilege.

So, if you can explain to me why this product exists and who would use it, I would be most grateful. I won't be happy, but at least there might be some comfort from comprehension. But right now, I consider this shake 'n' bake crap to be a desecration of the beautiful entity that is a cupcake. And I will defend my beloveds with all of my passion!

Marketing Mayhem

I've received a few emails occasionally asking me to review a product or publicize a promotion for a company; I politely write back to dismiss them, and then move along to blathering about what I ate, what I cooked, what I baked, what I obsess about. I'm almost always here for the food.

But the other night, there was an absolute flurry of solicitations ... huh??? Kraft "thought that Food Floozie readers would want the answers to ... questions and more by watching our new video about buying, storing and freezing seafood, chicken, and meat." If y'all want that, let me know and I'll embed the code they gave me (though I really think folks who had any interest in this information could either go to Kraft's site themselves or do a search). However, I would hope you'd rather just keep drooling with me over recipes and meals and photos and the complete seductive, sensual experience that food can be. If I've misjudged my faithful followers, I apologize.

Jack in the Box -- which doesn't even have a franchise in my entire state of Michigan -- wants me to let everyone know that "On Tuesday, November 16th Jack in the Box will give away Two (2) FREE Tacos to anyone with NO PURCHASE REQUIRED. Just walk in the store and ask for your FREE TACOS. (Limit 2 tacos per customer; at participating locations only)." That's as much endorsement as I can muster ... consider yourselves informed. I've put this up more as an illustration of the drivel that's sent to me than any endorsement of the ploy ... though I do hope that those who are hungry -- and there are far too many, these days -- can benefit from this offer.

As Tomoson -- a site which appears to exist solely as a pimp for a variety of items, though they claim to facilitate "a better way of managing product promotions with bloggers" -- once phrased it when asking me to help them sell everything from bbq sauce (which admittedly fits my platform) to a pink digital photo keychain (pink, yes; useless tchotchke, no): "We currently have companies wanting to send your blog FREE Products To Review so you can use them & write reviews." I'd say that I appreciate the thought, but really I don't.

I've also been asked by others to promote Meatless Mondays, pillows with built-in speakers for playing music while I try to sleep, and even the theoretical benefits and perks of a certain credit card (and they tried to lure me with an invitation to a fancy dinner with a James Beard Award-winning chef, 'til they let on that I'd have to buy my own tickets) ... oy! Make it stop!!!

I don't want my integrity to appear compromised in any way -- I value it too highly. So I would rather write about places I've actually chosen to eat at, as well as foods and items I've bought voluntarily, rather than have any suspicion that I've raved about (or even just seemed warmly fond of) anything in particular because of having received a freebie.

Because, of course, while these companies offer trials of items with no stated demands for positive feedback, it is abundantly clear that they want to use me and my blog as marketing tools to sell their products. Uh uh. I would feel the need to be completely honest whether I liked a product or not, and I would hope that anyone who has had even the most remote contact with me -- in person or online -- would know implicitly that I was being truthful.

But there would always be a hint of taint if I truly loved a product and wrote about it, with some doubt of my sincerity because I might have been enticed by the supposed thrill of being chosen as a recipient or by the giddiness of having been sent a present. Personally, I've never read a bad review of any product by anyone at all ... never ... regardless of whether jewelry or food or hemorrhoid cream is being evaluated. If anyone else has, I'd be glad to know it.

So, I just felt the need to rant about this a bit because I'm tired of seeing these emails and having to respond to them. I'm not the sort to just hit "delete," but rather I write back (politely, too!) to explain my position so that a) they don't waste their time pursuing someone who's not interested, and b) they'll stop pestering me.

Yeah, good luck with that!